SILENCE! Silence of the Lambs: The Musical – by Jon & Al Kaplan: Racist, but funny. I’m sorry.

Why Can’t Chinese Women Drive?

It’s 10 past 8 and I’m gonna be late; Holy Moley

Why is the person in front of me driving so slowly

He’s veering back and forth in his lane; what the hell is he doin’?

Is he talkin’ on a cell phone or distracted by the gum that he’s chewin?

So I pull up beside and I honk on my horn

And I freak when I look at the driver

‘Cause the guy at the wheel is a she not a he

And those eyes – my god this woman’s from China!

Tell me why can’t Chinese women drive?

I’m surprised I’m still alive

If you want to survive the ride

You better open your eyes!

There are certain things in this world that just don’t go together

There’s Israelis and Arabs

And hard liquor and beer

And there’s picnics and terrible weather

But there’s two more things that just don’t mix

They outweigh the others by far…

It’s not blacks and whites nor dogs and cats

It’s a Chinese woman and the wheel of a car!

Chorus

Maybe I’m a racist with a crooked view

Not every bearded big-nose guy’s a frikkin’ Jew

And not all blacks play basketball

And not all Asian men are small

But why’s it every time I’m nearly killed behind the wheel

Oh God I’m asking you please!

That the person responsible don’t have a clue

Is a woman and Chinese?

Chorus

Driving down the freeway is a dangerous task

Especially in LA

Lots of people lots of cars that go too fast

It’s a game that only lunatics play

I can deal with detours, traffic jams

And changing lanes is a breeze

But driving in this town is like Russian Roulette

Except the bullets are Chinese!

Chorus