“Yeah, mother fucker knows what’s up!” — Stuart Robinson, on hearing that I am growing a goatee like his.

I am now fully convinced that the Spartans are idiots: they defeated the Harlem Globetrotters! Guys, just to let you know, you are supposed to let them win. Why else would they have a 1,270 game win streak?

Some of my facial hair is coming in copper colored… Life has ceased to make any sense.

Of course, none of these are real quotes, but anyway:

“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”

— Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)

“You’re basically killing each other to see who’s got the better imaginary friend.”

— Yasir Arrafat (On going to war over religion)

“I found my wife in bed naked one day next to a Vietnamese guy and a black guy. I took a picture and sent it to Benetton. You never know.”

— Robin Williams

“I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms.”

— Michael Flatley (lead Riverdancer)

“On the one hand, we’ll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars.”

— Bruce Willis (on the difference between men and women)

“And God said: ‘Let there be Satan, so people don’t blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don’t blame everything on Satan.'”

— George Burns=20

“What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? ‘Hold my purse.’ ”

— Sandra Bullock

“Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die.”

— Carmen Boyle (Olympic Luge Gold Medal winner – 1996)

“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.”

— Sharon Stone

“There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you’re anxious to meet people who do.”

— Henry Kissinger (former US Secretary of State)

“My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee – the natural enemy of a tightrope walker.”

— Dan Rather (News anchorman)

“I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it. I said, ‘Thyroid problem?'”

— Arnold Schwarzenegger

“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.”

— Courtney Cox (Monica on “Friends”)

“Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.”

— Tiger Woods=20

“Things you’ll never hear a woman say: ‘My, what an attractive scrotum!'”

— Patricia Arquette=

229 votes. This is insane! I think I am going to have to agree with Jenni and face the facts. It is definitely time to transfer to The University of Toronto.

Okay, this has to be due to a lack of sleep. Either that, or Dan Rather enjoys a bit of crack as much as the next reporter.