SILENCE! Silence of the Lambs: The Musical – by Jon & Al Kaplan: Racist, but funny. I’m sorry.

Why Can’t Chinese Women Drive?

It’s 10 past 8 and I’m gonna be late; Holy Moley

Why is the person in front of me driving so slowly

He’s veering back and forth in his lane; what the hell is he doin’?

Is he talkin’ on a cell phone or distracted by the gum that he’s chewin?

So I pull up beside and I honk on my horn

And I freak when I look at the driver

‘Cause the guy at the wheel is a she not a he

And those eyes – my god this woman’s from China!

Tell me why can’t Chinese women drive?

I’m surprised I’m still alive

If you want to survive the ride

You better open your eyes!

There are certain things in this world that just don’t go together

There’s Israelis and Arabs

And hard liquor and beer

And there’s picnics and terrible weather

But there’s two more things that just don’t mix

They outweigh the others by far…

It’s not blacks and whites nor dogs and cats

It’s a Chinese woman and the wheel of a car!


Maybe I’m a racist with a crooked view

Not every bearded big-nose guy’s a frikkin’ Jew

And not all blacks play basketball

And not all Asian men are small

But why’s it every time I’m nearly killed behind the wheel

Oh God I’m asking you please!

That the person responsible don’t have a clue

Is a woman and Chinese?


Driving down the freeway is a dangerous task

Especially in LA

Lots of people lots of cars that go too fast

It’s a game that only lunatics play

I can deal with detours, traffic jams

And changing lanes is a breeze

But driving in this town is like Russian Roulette

Except the bullets are Chinese!


Refer to Chapter 23, “General Good Practices,” to learn about checking for group membership correctly.

1. Grab the nearest book.

2. Open the book to page 123.

3. Find the fifth sentence.

4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.

5. Don’t search around and look for the “coolest” book you can find. Do what’s actually next to you.

Parish Hilton takes motor racing lessons – Found this on The Car Lounge (I’m not an avid reader of Teen Today). Basically, Paris claims she is taking racing lessons in Monaco so she can avoid the paparazzi in her Ferrari. The best response to this story was “thats like training to be a black belt, and going around kicking the crap out of random people”.

I ordered GT4 on 25Feb2005 and the scheduled date of shipment is 07Mar2005? What’s up with that, eCost? Shipping from TN shouldn’t take ten days.

Hmm, didn’t take long to purchase what I needed:

  • Wash: NXT Generation Purchased from Autopia

  • Clay: Sonus Block Detailing Purchased from Autopia

  • Cleaner: Klasse All-in-One Purchased from Autopia

  • Wax: P21S Carnauba SEE BELOW

  • Wax removal towel: Der Wunder Buffing Towel Purchased from Autopia

  • Tire dressing: Good ol’ Armor All! To Be Purchased locally

I found out that P21S carnauba wax is also sold as S100 motorcycle wax. Same stuff, same jar, different name, half the price! I picked up the S100 from

I’m not sure why I like auto detailing so much; it’s just so relaxing to me. Fire up the iPod on a clear day and get to work! It must be a combination of the relaxing work, a sense of accomplishment and the look of the car at the end!

Spring is coming and I’m running low on quite a few important car detailing supplies! Looks like I’ll be picking a few things up soon:

  • Wash: NXT Generation

  • Clay: Sonus Block Detailing

  • Cleaner: Klasse All-in-One

  • Wax: P21S Carnauba

  • Wax removal towel: Der Wunder Buffing Towel

  • Tire dressing: Good ol’ Armor All!

In case someone with an SVT Focus wants to rotate their own tires (and save $12), here is the vital info:

  • OEM tires (ContiSportContact) are directional AND asymmetric

  • Rotate OEM tires front to back only

  • Lug nuts should be torqued to 94 lb-ft

2005 Lotus Elise – Automobile Magazine: This has to be one of the most humorous reviews I’ve read. It’s not “Oh my god, I’m going to pee my pants just after I stop crying” funny, but it has it’s moments:

“The cop hands me my first speeding ticket in nine years. I console myself with the thought that my streak was broken with a worthy car, something like getting an STD from a supermodel.”

“If I owned this car, I’d put in more aggressive cams and crank the idle up to about 2000 rpm, so it would play a frenetic staccato tune at all times. And I’d rip out the passenger seat and replace it with another fuel tank so you wouldn’t have to stop every ten minutes. And I’d airbrush a portrait of a ninja on the hood, but that’s, like, stage three.”

“The interior is mostly bare metal, there’s no power steering, and the radio is so bad that you expect Ashton Kutcher to run out from behind a bush and tell you that you’ve been Blau-Punk’d.”

…and from this day forth, it shall be known as Cayman.