Of course, none of these are real quotes, but anyway:
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
-- Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)
"You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend."
-- Yasir Arrafat (On going to war over religion)
"I found my wife in bed naked one day next to a Vietnamese guy and a black guy. I took a picture and sent it to Benetton. You never know."
-- Robin Williams
"I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms."
-- Michael Flatley (lead Riverdancer)
"On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars."
-- Bruce Willis (on the difference between men and women)
"And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'"
-- George Burns=20
"What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.' "
-- Sandra Bullock
"Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die."
-- Carmen Boyle (Olympic Luge Gold Medal winner - 1996)
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
-- Sharon Stone
"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do."
-- Henry Kissinger (former US Secretary of State)
"My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker."
-- Dan Rather (News anchorman)
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'"
-- Arnold Schwarzenegger
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."
-- Courtney Cox (Monica on "Friends")
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
-- Tiger Woods=20
"Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what an attractive scrotum!'"
-- Patricia Arquette=
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
-- Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)
"You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend."
-- Yasir Arrafat (On going to war over religion)
"I found my wife in bed naked one day next to a Vietnamese guy and a black guy. I took a picture and sent it to Benetton. You never know."
-- Robin Williams
"I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms."
-- Michael Flatley (lead Riverdancer)
"On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars."
-- Bruce Willis (on the difference between men and women)
"And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'"
-- George Burns=20
"What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.' "
-- Sandra Bullock
"Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die."
-- Carmen Boyle (Olympic Luge Gold Medal winner - 1996)
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
-- Sharon Stone
"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do."
-- Henry Kissinger (former US Secretary of State)
"My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker."
-- Dan Rather (News anchorman)
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'"
-- Arnold Schwarzenegger
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."
-- Courtney Cox (Monica on "Friends")
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
-- Tiger Woods=20
"Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what an attractive scrotum!'"
-- Patricia Arquette=