Aug 28, 2000

A good parody site, but could be so much better: Microsoft Linux - the premier linux distro.

Aug 25, 2000

Every morning I read all of the articles at My AltaVista, simply because it is the automatic homepage when I use AltaVista Free Access. When I read that Famke Janssen was learning to lap dance for a new film, I didn't pay much attention. Later in the day when I realized that Janssen played Dr. Jean Grey in the X Men movie, my thoughts fully changed. She is one of under 5 women in the public eye (read: celebrities) that I find attractive. The others include Natalie Portman and Christy Turlington.

The best part of this article about cloning the Tazmanian tiger:
A far more emotional debate rages over the plan to reincarnate the tiger through cloning. Archer has crossed angry picket lines at his museum, and his work has been denounced by religious groups who accuse the scientists of playing God. “My response is that people played God when we exterminated the animal in the first place,” Archer said.

Aug 24, 2000

Heh. Blue lobster becomes blue-plate special for tankmate.

Don't laugh. It feels weird that I no longer have an AOL account. Even though I have had much better ways to connect over the past two years (think LAN connected to a T1), the lack of the ability to hop on AOL is overwhelming. No longer can I check the profiles of friends, no longer can I... wait, I guess all I ever used AOL for was to check profiles. I just need to 'borrow' an account from someone every once in awhile, and all will be good.

Aug 23, 2000

I remember discussing the futility of regrowing neurons in my Neurobiology class first semester of my sophomore year. It was decided that even if new cells could be transplanted and they would grow, the neural net would be so complex that the cells would never fully integrate themselves. The University of Pittsburgh Medical Center in Pennsylvania has made an attempt at this experiment. The results show that the neurons helped stroke victims regain motor control. A very promising step indeed.

Aug 22, 2000

This is only a test, and this page will go offline when the school year starts. If there are any troubles, please email me. Here you go: Images.

Now the women's US soccer team has resorted to killing men soccer players.

Dont want to view these videos at work, so I will blog them for later...

Aug 21, 2000

Date Negotiations
Bruce- Gerald
Mark- Gerald
[Bruce is behind his desk, rubbing a credit or business card down his cheek.]
Mark: [enters the office] Gerald.

Bruce: Gerald! How are you, ya old skunk?

Mark: Ah, how are you, ya old snake?

[They begin shaking hands.]

Bruce: Pretty good. [laughs] Good to see ya. Hey, how was your weekend?

Mark: Aw, not too bad. A little too short, though; how was yours?

Bruce: [laughs] Good, but a little short.

[Both laugh.]

Bruce: Business.

Mark: Yeah.

[They finally stop shaking and sit down--Bruce behind his desk and Mark in the chair in front of it.]

Both: So.


Mark: Well, I would now be willing to take a look at the proposal your client is making to my Lori.

Bruce: On behalf of Dennis I'm, um, happy to show it to you.

[He hands Mark one large index card, which Mark looks at.]

Bruce: It's perfectly straightforward.

Mark: A little too damn straightforward, Gerald; don't you think?

Bruce: Uh...what do you mean?

Mark: I'm sorry. I can in no way say that this represents the interests of my client.

Bruce: It's a standard itinerary, Gerald--dinner, dancing, and [mumbles into his hand] intercourse.

Mark: [abruptly] I beg your pardon?

Bruce: [confident] Dinner, dancing, and intercourse.

Mark: You mean a quick *hump*, don't you Gerald?!

Bruce: I do not mean a quick hump, Gerald! Do not use that expression in this office! Children come in here!

Mark: "Dinner, dancing, and intercourse"--what do you think my client is, huh? A 90-dollar-an-evening hooker?

Bruce: This is dinner at the *Plaza*, Gerald.

Mark: Oh really?! So, she's a 120-dollar-an-evening hooker, is that it?

Bruce: Well, at least a hooker comes across. [pause] I can't believe I said that.

Mark: Gerald, do I sense that, uh, your client has certain feelings for my client?

Bruce: My client makes 62,000 dollars a year.

Mark: Ah. But, does your client have certain emotional interests towards my client.

Bruce: He's got a really great car and a moustache.

Mark: Gerald, does your client love my client?

Bruce: Yes! No! He's not sure. [pause] Back off Gerald!

Mark: I'll back off, but perhaps now you'd be willing to take a look at the proposal my client is making to your client.

Bruce: [big sigh]

[Mark opens up his briefcase and drops a folder containing a thick stack of papers onto the desk. Bruce opens the folder and flips through a few pages without really looking anything.]

Bruce: You forgot one thing, Gerald.

Mark: What's that?

Bruce: The actual date of the wedding and the color of the bridesmaids' gowns!

Mark: Come off it Gerald. It's a standard 17-week dating commitment. All my client wants to do is to get to know your client.

Bruce: Hey, all my client wants to do is get to know your client.

Mark: In a completely different way!

Bruce: I don't know, I think she's gotten to know quite a few clients. [Opens up desk drawer, ready to take out folders.] Let's just look at her roster of ex-boyfriends.

Mark: Gerald, that's inadmissible and you know it!

Bruce: [realizes his error and gently closes the drawer.] The Doobie Brothers??


Mark: All right, perhaps we were a little hasty with the 17-week dating commitment. Perhaps we can accommodate the obvious interests of your client a bit more. How about this: a six date schedule with possible sexual intercourse on date six.

Bruce: Gerald, I'm no longer interested in this "possible sexual intercourse" you keep selling me on. Last time, it turned out to be a cheap handjob at the drive in.

Mark: Your client ejaculated, Gerald!

Bruce: Sadly. Very sadly. Let's just let sleeping dogs lie, shall we? [pause] Three date schedule, guaranteed sexual intercourse on dates two and three.

Mark: Uh uh. Five date schedule, guaranteed sexual intercourse on date five. Now that's a one-way ticket to Loveland, Gerald. That's a heap of good lovin'. That's a Love-o-rama. That's a Love Fest. That's a Love Woodstock, for God's sake. Come back to me.

[Long pause. Bruce has a goofy smile on his face, in thought.]

Bruce: Gerald. [calling him in closer] Gerry. [closer] Ger. . .Guh. Why don't we forget the guaranteed sexual intercourse clause.

Mark: Okay.

Bruce: Why don't we let nature take it's course.

Mark: Fine!

Bruce: You know the good old fashioned way?

Mark: [eagerly] Yeah, okay.

Bruce: A one date schedule with a guarantee that your client will consume 27-ounces of gin on that evening.

Mark: Come off it Gerald! That's panty peeler and you know it.

Bruce: Call it what you will, it's a tool of the trade.

Mark: Sorry Gerald. C'mon, she only weighs 105 pounds, for God's sake.

Bruce: I believe she weighs 111 pounds, Gerald.

Mark: In shoes! [pause] All right. I can't see letting her drink more than 8-ounces of gin.

Bruce: Jeez, I think she can drink, uh, 14-ounces of gin.

Mark: Maybe 10, maybe 10.

Bruce: I think she could scarf down 12-ounces of gin.

Mark: 11-ounces of gin.

Bruce: 12-ounces of gin on an empty stomach.

Mark: 11 on an empty stomach.

Bruce: [taps his fingers on the desk, calculating in his head.] 111. . .Done!

Mark: Okay.

[Both getting up]

Mark: I'll have my secretary pick up the contracts Monday.

[They lean over and kiss each other on the cheek. Mark turns to leave and then they do a subtle double take.]

Teddy Bear's Picnic
Scott- son
Bruce- father
Dave- mother

[Bruce is singing his son to sleep.]

Bruce: [singing] Picnic time for teddy bears / Those little teddy bears are having a wonderful time tonight.

[Bruce tries to leave because Scott appears to be asleep. As soon as Bruce tries this, Scott wakes up and looks to Bruce as if he's not at all tired.]

Bruce: [singing] See them gaily play about / They love to sing and shout.

[Bruce tries to leave again, same thing happens.]

Bruce: [singing] They haven't got any cares [Gets up to leave but this time continues to sing] But it's six o' clock / Their mummies and daddies will take them home to bed / Because they're tired little teddy bears. [talking] Good night. [Flips light off.]

Scott: Dad?

Bruce: [light back on, still at doorway] Uh, yes?

Scott: Were all the bears there?

Bruce: Yes. All the bears there ever there was were there. Goodnight.

Scott: Dad? How--how come the picnic ended at six o' clock? If it was so good? I mean, it's--it's not even dark at six.

Bruce: Uh, all the bears were tired from, um..., frolicking.

Scott: Oh.

Bruce: Frolicking's very tiring, son. Goodnight

Scott: Okay, what they--what they eat?

Bruce: Oh. Well. The teddy bears ate buttons and...felt.

Scott: Ewww!

Bruce: Oh, no no! That's teddy bear food.

Scott: Oh.

Bruce: It's like hot dogs. Mmm.

Scott: Okay, yeah. Were you even there? What?

Bruce: [Bruce sees he is not about to leave, so he goes back to Scott at the bed.] No, I wasn't actually there.

Scott: Well, then--then how do you know?

Bruce: A guy at work told me.

Scott: Who?

Bruce: Hank.

Scott: Hank who?

Bruce: You don't know him.

Scott: Maybe I should call this Hank.

Bruce: No no. I don't think that would be a good idea, son.

Scott: Why?

Bruce: Because he doesn't have a phone.

Scott: What?! What kind of a freak doesn't have a phone?

Bruce: A freak that works in the mailroom.

Scott: Ohh.

Bruce: Now go to sleep.

Scott: Dad, I can't sleep trying to piece together this sloppy narrative.

Bruce: [sighs] Why don't you try, uh, counting sheep?

Scott: [cries/whines] Ahh!!

Bruce: What? What, guy?

Scott: How can you make me think of all those slaughtered sheep bloated in the sun? [cries]

Bruce: They're not slaughtered sheep, son. They're live ones bounding over your head.

Scott: What? I thought they were dead! You didn't tell me they were alive. Dad, I was up all night tagging their toes. [cries]

[Dave enters]

Dave: What is going on around here?

Scott: [still crying] Maa! Uh uh!

[Dave goes over to Scott, who in turn clings onto Dave's arm.]

Dave: Oh, oh. There, there. What is it?

Scott: Yeah, yeah. Dad told me this "Teddy Bears' Picnic" story and it sounds like utter bullshit to me.

Dave: There, there. Just remember that your father loves you and I love you even more. . .

Scott: Okay.

Dave: . . . and if you ever use that kind of language in this house again, I'm gonna wash your mouth out with soup.

Scott: Oh.

Bruce: Uh, I think that's soap, dear.

Dave: Don't ever contradict me in front of the boy. There, there, little hero, you get some sleep. Okay.

Scott: Okay, `night mom.

Dave: `Night.

Bruce: `Night, Tiger.

[Bruce approaches Scott to give him a kiss, but Scott puts his fists up in self-defense. Bruce kisses the fists. Bruce and Dave leave, they turn out the light, and Scott is alone.]

Scott: Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. Mmm, soup.

[Cut to parents' bedroom.]

Bruce: Goodnight.

Dave: So, this Teddy Bears' Picnic story isn't true?

Bruce: Um, no. Not exactly.

Dave: Well, if you weren't helping out at the picnic, where were you last weekend? Hmm?

Bruce: You think I'm having an affair, don't you?!

Dave: [shocked] An affair?!! Oh my God!

Bruce: Um, you didn't think that?

Dave: [shakes his head no.]

Bruce: Oh. Okay, I'm gonna be honest with you. I was out with a few of the guys from work. . .and a few goblins. . .and, uh, it started raining gumdrops. . .so uh. . .we happened into this wizard's tavern, and uh. . .I'm gonna be honest, we had a little too much dew to drink. So, uh. . .I thought I shouldn't drive.

Dave: Well, you did the right thing by not driving, but you should have called.

Bruce: Well, you know, it's the darndest thing, honey, um, the wizard's leaf wouldn't dial out.

Dave: Well, fine. But next time you should just try harder to get a hold of me.

Bruce: You're right, sweetie.

Dave: Alright.

Bruce: Goodnight. [turns out the nightstand's light.]

Dave: Who's Doris?

Bruce: [Turns light back on. Frantically:] Doris. Doris, Doris, uh, Doris.

Dave: Doris. A woman named Doris came to the house the other day and said she'd been meeting you for some time in sleazy motel rooms and that she was carrying your child and wanted to know what you were going to do about it, and I was just wonder who she was.

Bruce: Uh, I could see why you'd be curious.

Dave: Yes, well she did pique my interest, yes.

Bruce: Honey? She's a goat. She's a magical goat. And, she delights on playing tricks on us mere mortals.

Dave: I am so. . .relieved!

[Bruce also relieved. Both laugh.]

Dave: I feel like such an idiot.

Bruce: Don't feel like an idiot. No no, it's natural.

Dave: Oh, can you forgive me?

Bruce: I do, I do.

Dave: Oh, I should be jealous. [cuddles into covers]

Bruce: [turns out light] Yes you should.

Aug 20, 2000

This is being blogged for my use, not yours:
AltaVista Tech : The Ultra-Rare Star Wars Teaser
AltaVista Tech : The 10 Worst Return of the Jedi Quotes
AltaVista Tech : The 10 Worst Return of the Jedi Quotes

Aug 18, 2000 (no link since the site isn't up) is a new portal being developed for the staff and students of The University of Michigan. The static gateway that is currently in use has proved to be all but worthless, mostly because searching of lower pages in the hierarchy is chaotic. A preview shows just how ugly the new site is going to be. Also, one of the press releases talked about how headlines will be pulled directly from The Michigan Daily website. As the Systems Administrator, I can say that I just installed the new web server and it is not ready! The main online developer has yet to configure the web server, mostly because we just installed the hardware late last week. The site is being fully redesigned, and we are all quite excited. Hopefully we can help with the headlines on, in a couple months .

Ananova - Dog 'shoots' woman

More Final Meal Requests:
Six pieces of french toast with syrup, jelly, butter, six barbecued spare ribs, six pieces of well burned bacon, four scrambled eggs, five well cooked sausage patties, french fries with catsup, three slices of cheese, two pieces of yellow cake with chocolate fudge icing, and four cartons of milk

How horrible! In this list of Final Meal Requests:
Shrimp and salad. Shrimp not available. Served cheeseburger, french fries and cola. I would be just a little bit pissed when my dignified order was replaced with crap you could get at McDonalds.

Aug 17, 2000

Gameplay: 10
Graphics: 10
Sound: 10
Value: 10
Chrono Cross.

Even more of a reason to buy a Playstation 2:Super Bust-A-Move.

I worked 17.5 hours yesterday. Took a half an hour break for dinner between jobs, and that was about it for rest. In Ann Arbor, most of the client machines could not connect to anything but the file server. Knowing that the file server uses Appletalk as the protocol and TCP/IP is used for everything else, we narrowed down the list of possible problems. Checking out the error logs on our servers showed stuff like this over and over and over:
Aug 16 18:54:45 dhcpd: DHCPDISCOVER from 00:50:e4:30:6f:24 via eth1
Aug 16 18:54:45 dhcpd: DHCPOFFER on to 00:50:e4:30:6f:24 via eth1
Aug 16 18:54:45 dhcpd: DHCPREQUEST for from 00:50:e4:30:6f:24 via eth1
Aug 16 18:54:45 dhcpd: DHCPNAK on to 00:50:e4:30:6f:24 via eth1

In basic terms, this is what was happening: a system comes online and tries to DISCOVER the DHCP server, the server OFFERs a good IP from it's pool, the client REQUESTed a bad IP, and the server does Not AcKnowledge that request. Then the cycle repeats. This made no sense to all three of us working on the problem. We tried restarting our DHCP server, we tried using a different server, etc etc. FINALLY, Sat realized that someone had an Apple AirPort they wanted to hook up. Searching the Apple Tech Info Library, we found out that the AirPort acts as a DHCP server! It was accepting all of the requests, and just giving out bad information! Took that off the network, and everything returned to normal. And it only took 8 hours to figure that out.

In the midst of a vast wilderness, far off, standing all alone, is a high mountain. You are sitting on open ground on top of the mountain, looking off into the distance in all directions. There are no boundaries. As you sit, you fill the world. Relaxing and releasing body and mind, You abide in the Buddha-realm.

Aug 16, 2000

Fun Toy Banned Because Of Three Stupid Dead Kids.

First there was the working artificial eye, and now there is the moving artificial eye.

Aug 15, 2000

I used to joke about how my main non-free ISP was AOL (simply because a family member has paid for it, and I get an account), yet my main operating system has become some flavor of UNIX. I thought I would never see this day, but there is now an AOL client for Linux. I cannot try it out, simply because I only have a winmodem that doesn't work in Linux, but we shall see when I get that cable modem...

Aug 13, 2000

They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Aug 11, 2000

Excellent, the next Survivor type show deals with people trying to become astronauts, and the winner gets a trip to MIR.

Oddities. I noticed today that my top line of links (* HOME * ARCHIVES, etc) was resizing with screen size. Hop into my editor, make sure that two of the three data cells in that row have their widths set, and now IE has no trouble keeping the black part the same size. Netscape, on the other hand, decided it still likes to resize it. There goes my browser consistancy! Anyone have a suggestion?

Ahh, memories of Computer Science class, junior year of high school (back when they still taught Pascal!): Game of Life. This is one of the slickest implementations of the Game of Life I have ever seen.

Aug 10, 2000

I'll be damned. The site looks almost identical in Netscape as it does in Internet Explorer. That would definitely have to be a first for me.

When I first read the headline for this article about generic Prozac, I thought it meant that you could get Prozac over the counter. Wouldn't that be fun?!

I think I have figured out why the proxy at work blocks Fox News: In this article, the journalist quotes that he went to some pr0n sites to see if his libido was increased by a herbal supplement.

AOL Instant Messenger Beta for Linux. Took you long enough! Until this point, there have been many open source AIM clients for Linux : CAIM, FAIM, gaim (one of the best), and Everybuddy (along with a list of others I have never tried: jaim, kaim, laim, taim, etc).

Aug 9, 2000

How odd... last month someone was trying random pages and hoping to find something. In my base HTML directory, they attempted to load 'sex.html' and 'trip.html'. Neither of these files exist, or have ever existed.

The problems setting up the OpenBSD server continue. In an attempt to make use of old hardware, I tried to use a Pentium 60 machine. It was the very first real computer I ever used. The Bios came out when the idea of "Plug and Play" did not exist. All of the network cards I have are PnP. There is a way to configure them manually, but that would require installing them into my current machine (which can definitely handle PnP), booting from a DOS disk, then running a few utilities. Instead, I will probably just use my old K6 233 machine. In contrast, once I get the hardware setup, I will have almost no trouble configuring OpenBSD 2.7 as a cable NAT system.

People are endowed with the wisdom and form of the Buddha. There is nothing lacking. Each person is possessed with this treasure jewel that is the Buddha-nature and for all eternity it radiates a great pure luminescence.
-- Hakuin

Aug 7, 2000

Online cheese comparator.

Wow, that was quite stupid of me. I thought I was being smart by creating a /bsd partition in OpenBSD. Well, I am not as smart as I think. Unlike Linux, which puts the boot files (like the kernel) into a partition called /boot, BSDs put the kernel in the ROOT directory (/) as a FILE called bsd. No wonder the installation process kept dying.

Aug 6, 2000

Hmm, my life just got easier. Trying to setup that Windows 2000/Windows ME/Mac OS/OpenBSD environment was going to be a daunting task, mostly because of the need to share one cable modem. OpenBSD has built in Network Address Translation which is extremely easy to setup. Many machines, 1 IP, everyone gets net access.

How many punks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. Punks can't change shit.

The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement. If only I got to decide who was exterminated.

A couple new weblogs added to the list this weekend: Lake Effect (brought to my attention when the creator, Dan, emailed me), and Bitek Processor (brought to my attention by Lake Effect). ^_^

Aug 4, 2000

Why do the Chinese use chopsticks? They developed this custom because they didn't need anything resembling a knife and fork at the table. They cut up food into bite-sized pieces in the kitchen before serving it. This stemmed from their belief that bringing meat to the table in any form resembling an animal was uncivilized and that it was inhospitable, anyway, to ask a guest to cut food while eating.

Aug 3, 2000

Religion fired up in my life when I was baptized some form of Christian. This much I know, not because the holy water scalded and scarred my body, but because the parents say so. The next religious event would be going to a Baptist church with my father around the age of 11. Deciding that religion was a good thing, he took me an hour before the main service to attend their form of sunday school. The other kids were practically wearing suits and their best dresses, while I sat timidly in a tucked in tshirt. Not having any of the materials the other children did and not being able to answer any of the questions asked, I soon disappeared from their mind. Seems that my father assumed that I would be able to find the main service after sunday school. Wrong. Being timid enough from the uber-Christian children, I did not even venture out of the basement. All of the children my age left, and many parents brought down children too young for the main service. For the next hour, I stayed with 6 year olds coloring Bible scenes while eating graham crackers with milk. Needless to say, I never wanted to return to church again. Dragged by my aunt and grandmother, I attended a few Catholic services over the years. The idea of "stand, sit, kneel, sit, pray, give money out of the infinite Catholic guilt" process did not appeal to me.

By the age of 13, I realized there were other religions out there. Not to say I was fully against Christianity, but my early experiences turned me from that faith in a hurry. "God created Man in his own image" is reverse logic. Man created God, especially in his own image. Heaven and Hell are products of the human psyche being unable to comprehend unconciousness. If the mind does not exist after death, how can we understand it? Since that is impossible (sarcasm), Heaven and Hell were created as a true afterlife. The afterlife is just like the mortal existence, yet a dichotomy is created. If you were good, Heaven; Bad, Hell. Is this not a very ingenious way to keep control over people during their entire life? Then again, Karma is almost the same pattern. Defining your next form through reincarntion based on Karma; it's the same sort of control. Mankind has created religion as a way to answer that which cannot be answered. Along the way, it has been tailored such that it can control the masses.

Studies on Buddhism and Hinduism were most appealing to me at a younger age. Except for the aforementioned problems inherent with the karma and caste systems, the religions seem more logical. There is Conservation of Matter and Conservation of Energy, so the idea of Conservation of Soul (life force, spirit) makes perfect sense to my logical mind. Reincarnation, of some form, is the only conclusion to life that makes any sense. Not even my mind can grasp the idea that we just die. Maybe I would enjoy life more knowing that.

Aug 2, 2000

Even better! uses Solaris 2.6 for hosting.

HAHAHA... Hotmail has been using FreeBSD for hosting? Microsoft decided to move over to Windows 2000 machines, finally.

I burned 9 CDs the other day, all for one friend. It took about 6 hours, since I kept getting random errors during the testing phase. Eventually I figured out the problems, and wrote titles on all 9 CDs. Turns out that the pen I used was so sharp that it tore the coating off the front of the CD. The lasers used to read the CD shine right through, and they were all ruined. Note to others: only use paint pens to write on CD-Rs.

NASA's X-34 Experimental Rocket Plane Begins New Pre-Flight Test Series.

Aug 1, 2000

Quite powerful and correct, this religion selector pegged me perfectly. A score in the high 80s for Buddhism, yet zeros for Christianity -- right on target.

My only faith lies in truth.

On my plate for the next month: configure a home server using existing (old) hardware that can support this setup: A Windows 2000 Professional workstation, a Windows 98 Second Edition workstation, an iMac, with the OpenBSD server used as a firewall, an internet-connection-sharing device for the cable modem, and configured for file and print sharing between all 3 platforms. Necessary links:
IP Masquerade for Linux
AppleTalk services under Linux
Netatalk HOWTO
Setting Up a Home Network
Unix and Cablemodems