Any idiot can drive fast in a straight line

Saturday, June 03, 2000

To counteract my actions of snobbery, my monitor decided that it really really liked Yellow. Trying to view the net in shades of yellow will kill your eyesight for at least an hour for every 5 minutes of surfing. It was a nice flat screen 17 inch NEC, but I got it used without a warranty. $350 will disappear from my wallet soon. I am currently using a 14'' POS, and 14 inches is not enough to satisfy.

Thursday, June 01, 2000

Sent by Jamie (no surprise there...) PICK UP LINES THAT MAY GET YOU HURT 1 If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole? 2 I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag. 3 If it's true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning! 4 How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized? 5 I was about to go masturbate and I needed a name to go with your face. 6 You are so fine that I'd eat your shit just to see where it came from. 7 My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in. 8 Roses are red. Violets are blue. I like spaghetti. Let's go f**k. 9 Is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I would love to tap that ass! 10 If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, could I meet you between the holidays? 11 You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you! 12 Your parents must be retarded, because you are special. 13 Could I touch your belly button . . . from the inside? 14 I'm not too good at algebra, but doesn't U+I = 69? 15 How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat.

Tuesday, May 30, 2000

I have waited this long to blog Sluggy Freelance because it took me about a week to read all of the archives. Some of the jokes get old after awhile, but the concept is great!

Last season was the first time I truly watched The Real World. It was a great season, and next season seems to have great promise.

Even though Jamie insists that this technology already exists, I think the development of instant water purification is facinating.

This is very promising, if not utterly amazing. Light can be accelerated to almost 300 times c.

Monday, May 29, 2000

The following concerns a question in a physics degree exam at the University of Copenhagen: "Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer." One student replied: "You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building." This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed immediately. The student appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics. For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn't make up his mind which to use. On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows: "Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H = 0.5g x t squared. But bad luck on the barometer." "Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of the skyscraper's shadow, and thereafter it is a simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work out the height of the skyscraper." "But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force T = 2 pi sqrroot (l / g)." "Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up." "If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building." "But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor's door and say to him 'If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper'." The student was Niels Bohr, the only Dane to win the Nobel prize for Physics.